The Dick Van Dyke show

Now that I'm done with my M.S. program, I have leisure time again!

I finally started using the Kindle my in-laws gave me for my birthday and read the original A Christmas Carol. A great Advent read!

I also discovered that every episode ever made of the Dick Van Dyke show is available for free on Hulu. I've liked the Dick Van Dyke show as long as I can remember, but I was happy to find D likes it, too. It's fun to see how different things are, and yet how some things never change.

Marriage, Encountered

This past weekend, D and I went to a Marriage Encounter weekend. (see www.wwme.org)
I wasn't sure what to expect. I was nervous; as we were driving there, I was just praying that I didn't regret suggesting we do it now, before kids enter the picture.

In short, it was amazing. I learned so much about D and about myself. We both learned to talk about our feelings in a more meaningful way, and we discovered that by talking about our underlying feelings, we ended up getting to the heart of some issues. It was surprising that we could problem solve without directly talking about a problem. I feel new hope now that, with God's help, we can handle anything that comes our way.

I highly recommend it for all married couples!

Bringing me "flowers"

The practice of bringing someone flowers is a bit strange when you stop to think about it in practical terms. Giving someone cut plants to show them you care?

Don't get me wrong, I like flowers in and of themselves. For me, though, it's the thoughts behind bringing flowers that I like more than the flowers themselves. To me, they can say several things:

• I was thinking of you (even if you weren't around)
• I care about you
• I value you enough to spend my time and/or money getting flowers for you
• I want you to smile/be happy
• These are only for your enjoyment (i.e. I don't expect you to share them with me or do anything practical with them)
• and more

I was thinking, though, there are many ways to express these sentiments without the actual flowers. I may add more later, but these are my top 10 ways to"give me flowers" without cutting a plant, in no particular order:

1. Compliment me sincerely and often
2. and Praise me sincerely in front of other people, whether or not I'm there
3. Tell me you love/like me
4. and Tell me specific things you love/like about me
5. Only point out my flaws to help me improve them
6. and Whenever possible, do this in private
7. Try to anticipate little things I might need; if you aren't sure, ask what you can do.
8. Do something on my to-do list without being asked
9. Smile at me for no reason
10. Do something you know I like, simply because you know I like it

..I suppose it's fitting that I came up with 10 ways to spiritually give me flowers, since we pray the rosary in decades, and people have likened praying the rosary to laying spiritual flowers at Our Lady's feet.

It's real now

I've heard people say many times that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I wouldn't say that our 5 1/2 months of marriage have been hard, but we have had our challenging moments.

I've mentioned the extraordinary stuff before (like Mono and living apart half the time, which is ending soon, thank goodness), but there's also been ordinary stuff, like learning to share our space. At first, D felt invaded; "his" condo became "our" condo, which took some adjusting. I, in turn, felt displaced. I had to move myself and a house full of stuff into a condo that was already full.

We have discovered new things about each other. Some have been good, like liking the same cereal, and learning each others' funny quirks, like my talking in my sleep. Some of course have been less enjoyable.
I never realized he was such a pack rat, and was startled by his resistance to give away things he never used, even though it was to make room for me and my things.
He didn't realize that I can be over-sensitive sometimes, and he was confused when I would get upset from what seemed like nothing to him.

The amazing thing, though, has been our ability to talk things out and work on them. We're still working on it, but I'm getting better at speaking up when things bother me, and he's getting used to the changes that go along it being "our" home. It makes me feel confident that we can work out any issue that comes our way.
I've been pleasantly surprised by my ability to forgive and forget. There are times I'll remember that we disagreed about something the day before, but I can't remember what it was exactly. I never been this way before, and I believe that it must be the grace that goes along with the sacrament of matrimony.

It dawned on me while I was driving a few days ago: this marriage thing feels real to me now. At our wedding, I felt like I was at someone else's wedding. The first couple months seemed like some strange, vivid dream. Somehow, the challenges have really made me feel more ready to be a wife and live out my role.

What I signed up for

"I take you to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

This is what I vowed on my wedding day. It seems straight-forward enough, but at times I'm not sure I understand my role as a wife. When do I challenge my husband to be a better person, and when do I accept him the way he is? When do I take care of responsibilities for him out of love, and when do I ask more of him to keep him from sloth? When do I vent frustrations to improve our relationship, and when do I hold them in to spare his feelings? I suppose I have a lot to learn...

I thought, as an exercise, I'd find definitions for some of the keywords in the vows, in hopes of shedding some light on the mystery of marriage:

• take: to receive or accept (a person) into some relation
• true: firm in allegiance; loyal; faithful; steadfast
• honor(n): 1. honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions 2. high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank
• honor(v): 1. to hold in honor or high respect; revere: to honor one's parents 2. to treat with honor.

This does give me some food for thought.

Update

Thanks be to God, D only has Mono! He seems to slowly be getting better, too.

Somehow, I don't have Mono, though. This whole "kissing disease" thing may be a misnomer.

Jackie Sprat

The poor hubby has been sick off and on for about 2 weeks. He'll be fine for a few hours, then the fatigue, fever, lack of appetite, and such come back. We spent a couple hours at urgent care today. The doctor thinks it could be something serious and wants to run more tests this week. Prayers in this matter are much appreciated.

In the meantime, it seems I'm picking up where D leaves off. He's been asleep since 7 tonight, and I'm not even tired yet at 1 am. He has barely eaten anything tonight, and it's all I can do to keep myself from raiding the kitchen every hour or so.

So together between us both, I guess we are eating enough and getting enough sleep.

Thank you

I've been having a hard time finishing all the wedding thank you notes. One of the main problems seems to be that I smile to myself when I'm writing them, as if I were talking to the recipient in person. All that smiling is tiring. And oh wait, I have to do laundry. Or eat dinner. Or vacuum. You get the idea...

Part-time wife

Because we own two homes with two mortgages, and because I haven't found a job within 30 miles of San Francisco, my husband and I only have spent Friday night through early Tuesday morning together for the last few weeks. Although some of the people I work with have told me they wish they had my situation, I can't say it's ideal. It's like I'm leading two lives: Friday night to Tuesday morning, I'm a married housewife in the big city, and Tuesday morning to Friday night, I'm a working girl with her love 80 miles away--same as I was this time last year. In some ways, it is nice to sort of "ease in" to married life this way, but it also seems like it's making it a longer transition. It's hard to adjust to new surroundings when the surroundings go back and forth between old ones. I trust that God has a plan for us and this experience will help us grow together...for better or worse

Enjoying wedding gifts

D and I broke in the shoe shoes we got as a wedding gift...in 4 feet of new snow!

D enjoyed a downed tree in our path

One month in

One month in, and married life is good.

The wedding went off without a hitch. It seems like everyone had a good time, and neither the bride nor groom ran away or fainted!

The surprise honeymoon in Rome was great, and it was amazing to get the papal nuptial blessing. I was the envy of several married women I know, since I got to wear my wedding dress twice.

Married life post-honeymoon has been pretty good so far. We've both had to do a little adjusting, but we seem to have dealt with our frustrations in a constructive manner. He is still nice to me after the wedding after all! ;-)

Bride Brain

As the first day of my marriage fast approaches, the reality of it all is finally sinking in. I no longer look at my engagement ring in amazement, wondering what it's doing on my finger. The fear and anxiety I felt about being a wife are slowly fading. Along with these positive changes, though, comes a phenomenon I like to call "bride brain."

"Bride brain" is not unlike "pregnancy brain," in which pregnant women have trouble remembering things. Bride brain, however involves a different kind of forgetting.

If it's not on a to do list, it will probably not get done. Worse yet, even if it is on a to do list, I may forget where I put that to do list. Tasks do stand a better chance of being remembered if they are wedding-or marriage-related. The normal daily activities, like eating dinner, picking up prescriptions, filling up the gas tank, and buying toilet paper, get forgotten until it's almost too late. Where are my gray pants? In the dryer with the load of laundry I washed three days ago and forgot about. Today, I even almost forgot about work. See, I forgot today was Friday, not Saturday.

"Bride brain" also appears to affect sleep. With a couple exceptions, I can't seem to fall asleep before midnight. Even sleepy tea and Tylenol PM can't coax Mr. Sandman my way. Muscle relaxants work, but I have to take them 12 hours before I plan to wake up; at 11:30pm, that's just not an acceptable time frame.
Then, regardless of when I fall asleep, I can't wake up before 7 am. No matter what time multiple alarms are set for, my half-asleep self manages to turn them all off. I don't seem to grasp the significance of those noisy things that are interrupting my precious sleep until some time between 7:00 and 7:30. Good thing I'm naturally beautiful and don't need a long time to get ready. ;-)

Thankfully, I just have one more week until "matrimonial leave" from work. Hopefully I'll remember to go to work, eat and keep the house standing until then.

My vocation

It took me a long time to discern my vocation to married life. For a long time, I wanted to be called to religious life...so much so that I ignored the many instances when God put obstacles in that path to show me the way I was supposed to go.

As happy as I am to be marrying my wonderful fiance, there is still a part of me that wishes I had been called to religious life. I see the great value of religious sisters, and I would have been honored to receive that call.

I trust that God has a plan for me that is beyond my wildest dreams. Perhaps God will bless FUTURE BABY/IES with that calling.

Dress update

Because I know you're all dying to know...

My dress came in one piece and fit perfectly...horizontally. Vertically, however, the dress needs some alteration. Curse my short little legs!

More prophetic dress dreams

I've never had a recurring dream. What I have had, though, are dreams with recurring themes.

As a teenager, I had dreams of talking babies: newborns would carry on full conversations or go to school. Once a baby won an essay contest over me.

A few years ago I kept having dreams that I had to go back to high school, even though I had a college diploma and was in my 20s, in real life and in the dream. Sometimes it was just one course, sometimes it was the whole four years; sometimes it was my high school, and sometimes it was other ones or imaginary schools.

More than once, I've had to drive a car from the back seat in a dream.

And, as I mentioned before, wedding dress problems have been my latest recurring theme. Last night, the wedding was pushed up by a month, and I said, "But the dresses aren't ready!" To which my sister replied, "oh, no, I got all the bridesmaid dresses and your dress today." Except the bridesmaids, instead of having 6 purple dresses, had 3 red and 3 blue. My mother had a yellow skirt with a yellow/purple plaid jacket. My dress had to be put on in several layers because they didn't sew all the pieces together.

Interestingly enough, my gown was delivered to the shop today. Hopefully, it's not in pieces. I'll find out Monday...